*Sigh*.... I hate finals :( . Probably because I'm bad at studying things that I don't understand right off the bat. This semester might produce the worst result I ever receive in Michigan, and it's all because of stupid Math 217. Oh well, let's just get this over with...

Sedih tak when the person that you were always there for in times of his/her needs, comfort die when die down, layan die mase die happy.... suddenly dissapoint you in such a way that kite mmg terus jauh hati ngan die? Teringat mase my nyang chik meninggal... sure, mmg lah she wasn't my real moyang, but she was really, really close to me, closer even than my real nyang and nenek. I was really down in the dumps.... sgt2 depressed to the point that I couldn't do anything but just sit on the couch in my room, just sitting. So I told this person that my nyang chik meninggal.... and what did that person do? Nothing. No words of comfort, no "I'm sorry", no nothing. And mase tuh something just clicked in me. Mase die sedeh, pasal bende kecik2 pon, kite slalu pujuk die, or try to. Mase die need someone to talk to, kite dengar ape die nak cakap, sebab kite tau bende tuh important kat die, and kite tau if something's important to us, sure kite nak org lain hear us out jugak kan? And yet in my time time of need, that person tak buat ape-ape pun. Takde effort nak make kite feel better. Kalau tak rapat tuh lain cite lah, nie kite tau sume pasal die. Die je kot tatau pape pasal kite sebab selame2 nie kite cakap ape-ape, ntah kite pay attention ntah tak. So something in me just snapped. That was my time of need... and for once kite hope die tak dissapoint kite the way die buat before... tapi malangnye die tak ubah.... and again kite sorang2 mase tuh nak handle something yang very hard for me... thank goodness for the other people yang came through for me.

Kite admit kite kuat merajuk, and kite skang try tanak be too wrapped up in kite punye own feelings and own world ( even though skang rase macam backfire sket sebab now kite makin tak receptive to ape orang lain rase... kene work on that jugak ) . Tapi kite try hard tanak dissapoint die as a friend. And kite rase die sgt2 disrespect kite sebab die tak honor any of my wishes, and die tipu kite bile die kate "if you need me, I'll be there" ( tatau nak translate jadik melayu camane... lebey kurang lah words die )

Kite dissapointed.... kite try very hard tanak sakitkan hati die, I immediately apologized when I did, kite tau ape yang push die punye buttons and kite tak buat. Salah ke after all the effort kite put through, kite mintak die reciprocate sket je... die tau ape yang kite tak suke dgr, so sile lah jgn cakap.... die tau ape yg kite tak suke org buat, so jgn lah buat, at least jangan buat around kite.... and salah ke mase kite baru aje lose someone who meant the world to me, kite mintak siket je sympathy? And salah ke kalau bile die dissapoint kite so much this time, kite jauh hati sesangat ngan die? Die ingat kite tanak cakap ngan die sebab lain... when mostly it's pasal lain... and most probably die takkan bace pun entry nie... blogger nie lah tmpt luah perasaan, and kite tau mostly org yg bace my entries are impartial to my feelings and views, so kite nak cakap pape pun takde org nak respon sgt ( in a way, a good thing ).

Kite tau kite not the most perfect person in the world, and everytime before tido now nie kite slalu tengok balik, hoping and praying yang kite takde hurt org hari nie. Kalau ade org sakit hati ngan kite, kite mintak maaf sgt2, and kalau still tak puas hati, silelah bagitau kite... all comments that can make kite a better person are always welcomed ( hantar email or call, jgn comment kat chatterbox pulak, hehehe... tak nak bukak aib org lain or diri senirik ) ... kite tanak cut off bridges, kalau boleh tanak lose friendships because of something yang kite buat yang maybe kite tak sedar, or maybe kite sedar tapi since kite rase, kalau bende tuh jadik kat kite, kite tak rase big deal, tapi kat org lain maybe bende tuh sgt2 big deal. Kite hope kite tak use up all of my chances dengan sesape lagik...

Kite penah bagitau someone kat Michigan nie yang kite try tak give up on people... that byk mane pun kite sakit hati ngan someone, kite biar cool down and try to remember yang kite tak perfect jugak, siape kite nak judge org kalau dah mmg sifat die Allah jadikan camtuh. And kite try nak tell myself that fact sekarang nie every single time kite tetibe nak merajuk ngan someone or nak marah, it keeps my temper in check and kite tanak make old mistakes dah ( old mistakes of marah org/ merajuk tak tentu pasal ) . Which is why kalau kite dah jauh hati ngan someone tuh, makne nye kite dah takde energy nak asyik-asyik convince myself orang tuh tak penah ade maksud nak sakitkan hati kite, sebab kite dah cakap byk kali cakap, "jgn buat camtuh, kite tak suke tengok/dengar", dah banyak kali sgt, and kite rase kalau awak takleh nak ingat kite cakap camtuh, then takkanlah awak takleh ingat that everytime awak buat camtuh, kite sure sgt2 upset, selalu air mate tuh keluar ( ke aak tak kisah pun kite sedih asalkan awak puas hati ) ...... kite only human, and there's only so much yang kite bole handle at one time ... kalau katelah ntah camane awak terbace bende nie and awak tau kite tgh cakap pasal awak.... mintak2 awak tau kite takde maksud nak sakitkan hati awak ( sekadar nak lepaskan bende yang dah lame pendam ) ..... kite tau awak buat certain stuff atas dasar honesty... but honesty is as honesty be ..... awak slalu gune alasan tuh and kite dah had it .... kalau awak care, sure awak would think it through before buat pape...tapi since awak tak respect kite enough for me to stay... and that's why I have to go...

"Luahan hati terungkap sudah, ampun maaf penutup kata, salam berpisah pengundur bicara, kerna hati dah lama terluka" ... ( nie original org punye tau, copyright nie...)

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