Assalamu'alaikum....

Yeah, so I decided to sleep last night rather than unpacking some more stuff. Hehehe... too pening to really be able to unpack effectively. bedroom unlivable, so slept in the living room instead. Woke up to the advertisement of The Firm. Aiyok... nothing more depressing in the mornings than to wake up to a health advertisement after admonishing yourself the day before about all the pretty clothes that you can't fit into. Well, actually there is something more depressing, but hey, that particular depressing lasts all day and night, so that doesn't count.

It is damn 6.34 am, and I'm already up. The sun is already up too. Hullo Mr. Sun..... maybe today I'll see you more than just a couple of hours. All I want to do is to crawl myself back to bed and sleep till tomorrow comes. But then again, I have to go to school tomorrow. Yuck. Reminds of that piece of song.... "Tomorrow, tomorrow, I love ya, tomorrow, it's only a day away"...... except in my case, replace the word love with hate , and the singer has an expression about as happy as a dead chicken.

Ever since the whole picture fiasco (tu lah, carik pasal sendiri, she's only doing what comes natural to everyone, so I'm not mad, just that my face constantly burns with humiliation when I remember everything), my stomach feels like it's been punched repeatedly, and it was hard to eat anything yesterday. Or maybe that's more due to the fact I was sick rather than heart-sick. Can't wait till I can pray again, I seriously need some extra guidance right now.

My mom and dad are going to Korea on the 15th, and my sis-in-law, brother and nephew are going to Bali on the same day. I am sooo jealous. Seriously. My mom should be in heaven when she gets there, she loves those Korean series (which are pretty good, Korean heroes are kinda hot). My darlng niece is gonna be in Johor with her other set of grandparents.Tinggal lah my 2nd bro sengsorang kat rumah. If it wasn't for the fact that my house is totally not in party shape, I would expect him to throw a big bash the moment my parents get outta the house. Thank you abang for the lovely laptop bags that you bought for me, love them.

Today, I at least need to get my bedroom in walking in condition. Last night Nik, Hakam, Rock and Sharence came by, and I hate the fact that I couldn't act like a proper hostess because my pinggan mangkuk gelas is MIA. And there was n't a lotta place to sit becase my furniture is everywhere. It's just ridiculous. One of my best friends back home said I would make an excellent politician's wife because I'm obsessed with my guests whenever I have people over (unless the "people" have been in my house numerous times and know where everything is). It's always "Makan lah lagi" or "nak air?" or "semue bende cukup tak?". Keskeskes..... politician's wife.... please. Truth is, nowadays my needs revolves around the people I love and the people I'm with. Kinda a weird confession coming from a girl who's constantly trying to do her own thing and live in ignorance so that if other dissapprove, then I don't have to deal with it. So it doesn't matter if I marry a politician, or a rebel, or a Harley-Davidson buff, or a lecturer, or a golfer, a geek, a party animal..... who he is is moot point. Finding him is the interesting part... or the hard and annoying part, depending on your views.

I'm 22, and it's kinda a downer realizing that the earliest I can think about settling down would be in my late 20s, going on to 30s. There's just so much I have to do, so much that I need to accomplish before I can concentrate on having my own family, my own little girl and little boy. Put that with my own guy-related paranoia, it is not a great subject for me. The question "How's your love life?" always gives me the Fake-Smile Cardiac , where I would feel bile coming up my throat and I would paste a fake smile on my face and say some stupid random thing. Just because I'm not ready, doesn't mean that I don't privately wish that I'm settled in that department, safely engaged or married. Couples' promises mean nothing to me, I've seen a couple's relationship, which lasted a decade, just dissolve in front of my eyes in a period of a few weeks. I've seen (and had) promises broken and tears flow and dreams shattered. Dating, at the least, brings companionship for a few hours, and at the end of the day it's still just you. Even that is better than not having time to date instead. Oh well....

Yeah, those are some reaaaaaallllly depressing thought, this early in the morning. I seriously need a new hobby, or at least have time to go to the gym and forget about stuff. That might be good. I'll do that.... right after my room gets cleaned up. Oh crap.

Just another morning in Ann Arbor, wishing that I can just click my heels and be transported back to my family.....

Wassalam....