Innalillah...

Yesterday I found out that my nyang chik meninggal... she passed away last Wednesday. I asked my mum why she didn't tell me earlier (I was bawling on the phone, it's a miracle she even understood me), and she told me "sebab mak tanak farah sedih..nie mak bagitau lambat pun farah sedih" ... so I tried sucking it up and tak nangis sebab macam tak redha lah, and kesian dekat roh nyang. But today I woke up after a sleepless night ( and an unproductive day yesteday, I just there in my room watching tv trying to forget about stuff ), and I can't help but to remember the sweet, gentle person I had the privilage to call "nyang chik".

She's the cousin to me own moyang ( panggil nyang), and they live right next to each other (between the two houses, gate pon takde, diorang duduk dalam satu compund). Rumah nyang chik mmg betul2 kat sebelah, kalau time rumah nyang takde air, kitorang dengan towel2 gie mandi kat rumah ngan chik. Nyang chik ade sorang je anak pompuan, who pased away a couple of years ago cancer. So cucu-cucu die je lah buah hati die, termasuklah kitorang cucu-cucu sebelah rumah :) . Kalau time raye, sure dtg rumah die dulu before pegi rumah org lain. kadang-kadang tuh mandi pon tak lagi, gie rumah nyang chik, makan breakfast. I always have to go sebab my cousins yg kecik-kecik nie lah suke gile gie umah nyang chik pagi-pagi sebab nak main buaian, and I always have to jage, kang terpelanting kang sape susah. And time pagi-pagi tu lah I guess I'll remember sampai bile-bile. mase time budak-budak tuh main, I would sit there dengan nyang chik borak-borak pasal stuff. Die cite pasal cucu-cucu die, old stories about my mum mase zaman mude-mude dulu (hehe.. best dengar org try nak ngorat mak tapi tak dapat), pasal my aunties... what I remember most are the advices ( Kite perempuan nie, orang lelaki nampak je lemah, die tak tau yang kite perempuan ni banyak dugaan die..... Kalau nak carik suami, carik yang sayang kite, bukan kite aje nak kat die... Farah nie dah anak dara dah, tengok Along, Ida, dah kawin, suami baik-baik, Farah kene pandai jage diri cari org baik-baik jugak ).

She was always there regardless bile kitorang satu family balik kampung. I guess I always figured she would be there lepas I graduate, mase I bertunang, tolong tepung tawar mase kawin, maybe even sampai I get my firstborn child... I guess I should have know that she's seen 5 generations of the family dah, and that no matter how strong she looked to me, she wasn't the nyang chik yang dukung me mase kecik-kecik dulu, the nyang chik yang everytime raye, sure masak lontong ( kuah lodeh nyang chik was the best). Mak cakap nyang 20 hari masuk hospital before die meninggal, and she actually looked better during the last few days. Nyang chik pesan dekat mak "Doakan nyang masuk syurga ye...". Memang nyang chik dah tau rasenye. Mak kate, mak was the last visitor yang tgk nyang, mak balik around 7 malam, 7.10 pm tuh nyang meninggal.

So many changes are happening in my life sekarang nie, but this is, hands down, the most major one. Farah sayang nyang sampai bile-bile......

I emailed a few people today, those that I had hurt in some way that I might or might not have realized... life is just too short to have people angry at us, and it's also too short to not let people know how much you love them.. :( ....

Tak realize how much Farah rindu dekat nyang until it's too late...

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