MonDAy BLueS
Sigh... today has not been very exciting for me. Homework galore, sleepiness, me feeling that suddenly everything's wrong and there's nothing I can do to make them right... I'm just so out of it, I guess. I dunno whether it's because of the weather or me being tired all the time or maybe it's a sign that everything's gonna get more messed up in the future or what, all I know is I do NOT want to have days like these anymore. Have you ever felt that? Like this big pain in your chest, and it's spreading all over your body and spilling into your life and there's nothing you can do about it, and you wish you have a gun to point to your head and just shoot so that it'll all go away...

Not contemplating suicide here, but right now that's how I feel. Thank goodness for my religion and all the lessons I've learned about how harming oneself is wrong and how people who do that would never even smell paradise, let alone get into it. It's the only thing holding me up right now, my only pillar of strength. I don't know who to turn to or what to do or why am I suddenly feeling this rush of sadness. I try to reach out to certain people that I feel like I can trust, but suddenly they aren't there and I'm groping blindly in the dark for something to hold one to or for someone who cares or anything that can help me pull out of this black hole that's consuming my thoughts and emotions and paralyzing my whole being.... but there's nothing there. And all I can do right now is pray and ask for guidance, hope and strength at the times when I'm weak and alone.

I wish I have somebody to stand beside me right now and help me through this.