BILIK YANA
Farah,Yong,Sareque,Yana

SECRET RECIPE
Andri, Farah, Sareque

MY DAY OUT SELEPAS TERKURUNG SEKIAN LAME
A'kum... hehehe.... setelah sekian lame terkurung dalam umah ,tak keluar tak ape mengumpul lemak je keje, semalam dapat jugak ku berjalan-jalan mengambik angin sesepoi bahase di.. Mid Valley. Pagi-pagi dah kene call ngan Yong, bagitau die ngan Sareque nak dtg amek. Mandi punye mandi, cilok baju Kak Yann (takdelah kire cilok sebab dah mintak permisi), kol doblas lebey derang datang sekali ngan Yana. Sonok gile jumpe sebab dah lame sgt tak nampak, last lepas form five lah. Pastu gie umah Zuera, konon nak bawak kuar sekalik tapi die kene jage adek pulak. So makan je kat umah die. Hmm... pk2 balik semalam makan sume org belanje, woo-hoo! Sampai kat Mid Valley, call Andri soh dtg sane, die belanje makan cheesecake. Tgh hari dah Zuera masak. Malam tuh pulak, gie UM, tgk bilik Yana, and another friend, Harith belanje dinner. Langkah kanan ler semalam. Hmm.. Andri ngan Harith lagi lame tak jumpe, schoolmates mase primary, keluar skolah je terus tak dgr cite sampai skang. The miracle of kawanaku.com. Budak primary pon boleh carik. Nak cut story nye, I had fun :) . There, setelah lame bising2 kat sini pasal how life can suck big time because of other people's "aku kisah aku punye life je pedulik org lain" punye attitude, semalam I was happy because I get to hang out with friends yang dah lame rindu. So because of them, things didin't seem quite so bleak after all.
Disebabkan semalam keluar macam hantu, hari nie lepak umah (plus sebab Yanie takleh kuar hari nie, besok je plan nak tgk wayang, kalau tak hari nie pon dah ilang). Plan hari nie: basuh baju, iron tudung, kemas bilik, carik plumber (toilet sgt sedey), carik tempat nak buat facial ngan sesape yang nak itot, and carik my sunglasses yang tetibe lesap entah kemane, mementang glasses lawa, pandai je org nak cilok yek.
Oooppsss... abang dah bising sebab gune line lame sgt. To sesape kat Ann Arbor yang nak pesan mende lain selain nasik lemak, email je lah, insyaAllah buleh diusahakan. Wassalam.

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Woah.. seems like the last time I rant ade kontroversi sket. Tak sangke lah plak ade orang yang tak patut terase, buleh terase. And ade due tige orang lain pon expressed concern. Emm.. just nak mention yang usually kalau I lepas geram macam tuh, meaning it's either sorang tuh dah buat byk sgt mende sampai one day I just fire, or sorang tuh buat bende yang sgt2 besar sampai I fire, or ramai-ramai buat mende yang same sampai I fire. In this case, it's a combination of the first two, so actuallynye geram kat sorang je, and to a particular person reading this, ermm.. it's not you ( tapi camane orang tuh nak tau it's die ha? hmm... )
Kengkadang tuh kan, rase binded sket. Sebab no matter how many times orang tell me my blogs tuh public, for me it's just a place where I jot down my thoughts and feelings. Jarang lah nak pikir 'Eh, ade audience nak bace nie, kene tone down sikit". Kalau tulis something, I'm usually very candid, sebab in reality slalunye I have to suppress my thoughts and feelings out of curtesy to orang lain ( and out of common decency, sgt2 babi lah kan kalau kite buat bende main suke ati kite je ).
Kalau this blog is for me nak tayang kat orang lain what a great person I am, dah lame dah my entries sume pendek-pendek sebab tanak orang boring, dah lame dah I tulis bende yang "sweet' aje so as not to spoil the illusion that I'm 'soft". I hate cursing, swearing and things alike, tapi ade lah nanti due tige kali tuh rase geram yang sampai you just wanna go "F*** that s***, man, I had to go through crap, let me just get it out of my system so I can out the beast to rest".
Maybe my entries would show me to be sgt2 geram, but truth is... when I'm happy, jarang ler sket nak tulis kat blog nie, sebab happy memories stays in my head forever. Yang kurang best sikit yang jenis nak kene jot down, sebab nak senang lupe, senang nk handle.
Kengkadang pelik, why would anyone want to read all this S*** that I'm writing down? Nak kene out of concern, err.. I don't think so. Nak kate interesting, hell takde mende yang best pun. Mostly me brandishing out my ugly side bit by bit. Entah lah...
But I do show love jugak. Tengok gambar kat bawah nie. :) . One of the reasons apsal making the two-day journey back home worthwhile. I'd rather kalau sape2 find what I write tuh offensive to just stop reading, sebab this is my space, my place. I'm not trying to be mean ke ape ke, but this is me. Take it or leave it, baby.

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BUDAK BUSUK

A'kum...
Hmmm.. nak tulis pasal ape ha? Hahah... actuallynye ade topik nak tulis, tapi tgh boiling sket nie, so nak kene berpade-pade what I write takut blow up sebab bende nie memang sangat-sangat macam sial. Busuk kambing sume ade. Dengar from a friend mende yang sangat-sangat tak suke, tak boleh nak elaborate kat sini sebab mende nie die sorang ke yang buat, tak penah lagik aku kene mende camnie from orang lain. Hish.. all I can say is, gie mampos! Dah, tutup cite.
On to ranting pasal mende lain. Hmm.. certain orang kan (me included at times), buat bende tak pikir pasal orang lain. Tak pikir how it would affect orang lain, or relationship die ngan orang lain. Aku admit, sume orang sure ade time-time bangang camtuh, me included. Tipu lah kalau ade orang mengaku die tuh considerate kat orang sepanjang mase, anytime, anywhere. Kalau ade orang cakap camtuh, sure aku dah gelakkan die and cop die as budak paling penipu dalam dunie nie. But seriously, everyone ade prinsip yang die pegang very steadfast, and because of that principle, dalam area tuh takde kemungkinan lah die nak sakitkan hati orang lain sebab nanti die langgar prinsip die, unless kalau Allah dah mmg takdirkan die langgar, tuh tak boleh nak cakap pape lah. However, jangan lah pulak nak dijadikan alasan sebab Allah dah takdirkan, mende jadik. Ewah ewah, banyak lemak.
Anyway, on with the "story". Kalau korang ade feel strongly about something, and then tengok-tengok orang lain buat bende yang kirenye violate your principle, sure kite tak suke kan? No matter how hard we try to understand, a part of us would feel at least a bit resentful, kalau tak banyak pun, sikit jadilah . I should know, aku slalu je rase camtuh, but most of the time, kite akan cakap "takpelah, die pk camtuh, aku pk lain, biar je lah..."
Well, that's all okay and fine and dandy up until the time it directly affects you. Mase tuh all you can do is see red. Tak mengamuk, tapi rase hurt. Maybe marah. Doesn't really make a difference pon sebab kalau hurt lame sangat nanti die tukar jadi marah jugak. Pastu yang lagi best, time ko tanak masuk campur dah hal orang tuh, tanak tau pon die idop ke mati ke gile ke dah tukar jadik babi ke, tetibe orang tuh nak force diri die dalam ko nye life. Ewah ewah... chett, macam tak paham protocol lak die nie (assume lah die dah tau die buat mende yang kite consider as "breaking the taboo" ). Ngamuk tak? Elok-elok ko saket ati je, terus naik angin. Rase macam nak bom rumah orang tuh biar jadik macam Hiroshima zaman Jepun kene bom dulu.
Pandai buat pandai lah tanggung, jangan nak mintak simpati from the person you wronged. Lesson tuh aku dah belajar lame dah (well, relatively lame lah. Err.. well mebbe tak lame sangat). I always expect the worst lepas buat salah kat orang, senyap-senyap beat myself up for being so stupid, but that's how you learn. It's unfair kalau nak expect just because kite rase mende yang kite dah buat tuh logically forgivable, or kite rase kite dah cukup insaf dah tanak buat lagi if only that person forgives us, or mebbe kite rase mende tuh kecik je pon apsal nak marah, bottom line is... that person got hurt. Period. Kite dah sakitkan hati orang, and it's within that person punye right nak marah kite ke, nak benci kite, or nak forgive kite. You cannot force the other person to forgive kalau die tanak or die tak ready. Tak boleh nak expect "Aku dah explain dah, so die patut tak marah dah" sebab that's logical thinking, and humans tend to be more emotional than logical. Mmg lah kite kate, "Tak patut marah lame-lame, tak elok, tak baik", well baik sangat ke orang yang sakitkan hati kite tuh, kalau die baik, apsal die buat camtuh in the first place? Apsal die tak think it through before buat ape yang die buat? Lepas tuh, lepas dah buat tuh, baru nak repent, baru nak explain. Humans make mistakes, I admit that. Tapi as the person who was wronged, mistakes tuh can be costly... very costly indeed. Sebab kite takkan tau how much that mistake affect that other person, how much that person suffer just because kite tak boleh nak luang sikit mase to think it through sebelum buat ape-ape actions. Seriously, kalau the person who wronged me to boleh rase the hell that I'm feeling now, sampai bile-bile pon die boleh ingat.
Berani buat berani tanggung. Jangan nak mengade nak miserable mintak simpati (I myself would do well to remember that).

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BUDAK NAKAL PALING CUTE KAT MESIA
Hahaha... okay lah, I'm biased sebab budak kecik nie, Umar Haziq bin Rizal Fariz, is my one and only nephew. The day I arrived home, it was his second birthday. Balik umah tuh, lompat-lompat die nyanyi lagu 'hepi bedey" kat diri senirik. Perangai nakal tak ingat, macam-macam gaye die kalau kat umah. Paling best time-time tengok die main golf, waahh... gaye die, macam pro betul. Heheh... guess it helps the fact yang golf set tuh baru and costs RM300++ ... tengok camane papa die sayang anak sorang. Mane tak manje.
Tengok lah gaye die kat gambar nie, one of the latest yang ambik, my brother siap print pastu tampal kat fridge lagi tuh, heheh. Enjoy!

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HOME AGAIN :)
A'kum...
Oh wow, can't believe I'm writing this from TTDI, KL, MALAYSIA. I'm actually home. Two grueling days of travelling, and I finally arrived. Mase keluar from pintu balai ketibaan (?) KLIA tuh, first faces yang nampak mase tuh muke mak, Kak Yann ngan nephew tercinte, Haziq. Mase tuh kene peluk ngan mak, mak ai, kuat giller. Heheh, nampak sangat mak rindu. Bapak mase tuh tgh tunggu kete, takut kene saman ngan polis.
Balik from airport, kitorang singgah kat Vicchuda makan lunch. Hehe.. order daging padprik, ikan tiga rasa, kerabu sotong ngan sayur kailan ikan masin. Nyam nyam... hehehe.. mase tuh penat, tapi lapar lagi kuat, so makan tak ingat dunie (actuallynye tak penah pon makan ingat dunie, but what the heck... ). My first meal lepas jejak kaki kat Mesia, rase macam banduan baru lepas penjare plaks.
Anyway, sampai kat umah, kene sambut ngan abang Fareen. Abang rupe camtuh jugak, tak ubah langsung. Hmm.. pastu angkat beg galas masuk bilik, turun bawah makan manggis jap, tengok TV, then masuk bilik. Ingat nak take a nap kejap je, but the two whole days of travelling took its toll on my body, and memang tido betullah mase tuh. I think it was 5 something close to six pm. Nasib baik takleh solat. Dengar jugak mak panggil due tige kali tanye nak makan ke tak, just jawab "tak nak..." sayup-sayup, mate series takleh bukak, pastu tido balik. Last-last bangun kol 3 pagi, tetibe lapar lah pulak, turun bawah makan nasik. Pukol 3 pagi pon, lauk sedap lagi, hehe... sambal tempoyak, kerabu peria ngan ayam percik. Hik hik... lepas makan takkan nak tido kan, so bace buku cite yang pinjam from Ayun, last-last.... pinjam 4 buku cite from Ayun, tak sampai sehari kat mesia, 3 buku dah habes bace, due bace kat dalam plane. so kire nye... sehari satu buku. Takdelah bangge sangat sebab dulu jenis yang sehari satu setengah buku habes.
Semalam mak cuti, so sehari suntuk duduk ngan mak, tolong wat keje umah sume ngan jage Haziq bertuah. Lupe lak, the day I arrived was Haziq's birthday, so sekarang die dah cukup 2 tahun. Heheh... elok2 je sampai mase bedey budak kecik tuh. So semalam layan lah die main golf. Tengok keliling rumah, rase nak gelak, mmg sume berkonsepkan Haziq. Dekat fridge, ade gambar die kene blow-up sampai tige suke kertas A4, dekat computer wallpaper gambar die, pusing kiri kanan penuh dengan kotak mainan die.....alahai, cucu atuk ngan opah sorang, buah hati mama ngan papa. Sape lagi nak spoil kan?
Hari nie bangun awal pagi sebab semalam tido kol 8, heheh. Breakfast dengan..... murtabak, bihun goreng yang mak masak (heaven nye makan bihun yang bukan masak senirik ) and minum milo... best best best!!! Betullah cakap orang Jawa, absence makes the heart grew fonder. Keskes....
Okkay, memandangkan it's hard for me to go online, bukan sebab takde mase tapi sebab modem macam sial, here's my number to sesape yang nak call: 03-7727 3498. My h/p bapak tgh confiscate sebab h/p die sendiri hilang, so takleh nak kasi number dikhuatiri bapak naik angin org call nak cakap ngan anak dare die, keskeskes. So sesape free, sesile lah contact yer :) .
Okkeh, nak kene get ready si budak kecik tuh nak hantar gie nursery, ciao and a'kum....

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Yea yea! Baru dapat tiket nak balik! Haha! Best best...

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KATE DILLON
Kate Dillon was billed to be the next Cindy Crawford. She graced prominent magazines, but unfortunately at a price. She literally starved herself to stay a size 6 on a 5 ft 10" frame. But the she decided to take charge and decided to forgo being thin and settle to being healthy instead. And now she's one of the most prominent plus-size model.
She came to Michigan during last year's (I think) Body Awareness week to talk about healthy body image. Too bad I missed it, but it's pretty cool to see someone embracing her curves so candidly. I'm only recently coming to terms with my own curves, haha. :) . Sure, I do my best to stay healthy, but I don't want to be beating myself up anymore whenever I look in the mirror and not see a thin person staring back. Being voluptuous worked for Marilyn Monroe, and even J-Lo has a big butt, and here's another beautiful woman, Kate Dillon, who's not your average size 6. So as long as I'm healthy and happy, then everything is good. So what if a guy isn't interested in me because I'm big? Then he's not worth knowing about in the first place, is he?
*Sigh*.. dealing with body image issues here.....scandalous...

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Assalamu'alaikum to all, hehehe...

Just a few more days till I go back! Back home! To Malaysia! Land of nasik lemak, rojak, roti canai and tempe! Hahah.. I'm pretty much excited, actually. Though the last time I went home, the memories weren't all rosy, but let's ignore that now. I'm going back! Yay! Can't believe that a month ago, I didn't even have plans about going back, but here I am now, all excited about seeing home again.
I can't wait to see how big my nephew is. Oh, and can't wait to see Egee's new wife too ( Egee is my newly married cousin ). Hahaha... so many new things to see. Tadi borak ngan Yong, wah wah, dah ade orang ajak lepak umah sponsor, siap nak sponsor food lagi tuh. Woo hoo! Hehehe... with the whole JB thing coming, I guess I can safely say that at least a month of my life at home will be filled with stuff to do. Let's see if I can figure out anything to do for the other month.
One of the best things about going home is... trading my P license for a real one. Yeah baby! And this time I'm stealing the car. Tak pedulik. Especially when my parents gie umrah nanti, abang bleh drive kete mak, I'm getting the ol' heap that vaguely resembles an Iswara. Hahaha.. kerete baru sume gabak sgt.
I'm also so looking forward to meeting my primary schoolmates. Waaaahhh... can't believe I was ever seven! Or six. Seemed like such a long time ago, pegi sekolah pakai baju kurung putih kain biru gelap. *Sigh*.... how time flies...
Somebody better belanje me drinks kat Coffee Bean ...... hehehe...

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WAAAAHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! TESENNYE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! SIAL SIAL SIAL!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

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Wahhh!!! My Friendster tgh bengong, dapat email berlambak, tapi nak login tak bleh, pelik betul. Anyways, tadi gie Baits BBQ jap (just for the free food), last-last dapat free toy jugak. Pistol air warne ungu!!!!!! Walaupun pistol paling cikai antare byk2 pistol, but still cukup sayang ngan pistol tuh untuk di bawak balik.Serious nampak macam Malaysian picnic je petang tadi, sure tensen bebudak lain. Well.. at least ade free food. Heheh...
Tadi borak ngan Bantut-Dina.. waa!! Miss die sesangat. Can't wait to go back home. Oh, and to those yang tatau lagik and teringin nak amek tau, I'll be going back to Malaysia on June 20th and will be chillin' with the fam up until August 25th. But awal July tuhmy parents nak pegi umrah, since they can't bring yours truly along, I decided (kalau boleh lah) to spend the week (or maybe more) dekat Johor, visiting my friends yang dekat UTM and probably gie STF jap, jumpe cikgu-cikgu yang still ade kat situ lagi.Then maybe ronda JB, see what's up... hehe.. plan dah baik punye ngan Dina, mintak-mintaklah jadi.
Dulu tak terase sgt nak balik. Now dah beli tiket nie (tinggal nak dapat jek), rase seronok lah plak bile pk nak balik. Jumpe my fam, friends, shopping, and basically just chill up until the time I have to go back again to Michigan. *Sigh*... cepat lah June 20th...
Haaa... baru dapat bukak Friendster, though ade satu friend request nie, kejap ade kejap takde. Macam biskut Chipsmore lak die. Weh lah pakcik, bebetul ler, nak orang add ke tak?

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Hmmm... decisions decisions... I did something dulu that was akin to holding out an olive branch to someone. Unfortunately someone else did something yang made me realize "Heck, I forgot about 'that' thing". Haaa.. and sekaraang, decisions decisions... hmm.. dah lah olive branch tuh fragile, sekarang dah kene karate dah branch tuh, I dunno kalau ade lagi satu branch in stock to be handed out... and do I wanna waste another one? Baik simpan for another occasion ek....

Hahaha... no one is supposed to understand this, so don't even try.. :)

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Hmm.. ade this girl kat Malaysia buat something yang tempiasnye kene kat someone kat sini... hmmm.. all I can say is.. nothing actually. Tgh numb sket nie actuallynye. Tanak rase pape sebab takut kalau I let myself feel anything, I get angry, and I don't want to get angry. Cheh, cakap macam Incredible Hulk plak. Tadi survey-survey friendster jap, sebab tgh pening kepale, accepteed a few requests, refused "some", made a few of my own.... last-last jumpe my best friend mase skolah rendah. Wallah! Best! So mesej die tadik, hopefully she'll reply...
For someone yang made a lot of mistakes in my own life, slalunye I try to understand people's actions jugak, and kalau tak paham, definitely tanye orang lain yang mebbe bleh kasi input, macam Ayun ke, Elle ke. But certain stuff tuh kengkadang malas gile nak layan... ntah, terase macam nak pegi je kat orang tuh and cakap "Yes, I'm upset, yes, I'm hurt.. am I angry, I dunno, maybe, and if I am, then I'm damn entitled to it because I'm only human tau, I'm no saint. Jangan pakse me to be okay with it, jangan pakse me to be fine with all the shit that I was fed, don't even think that I'm just gonna forget about it because I won't. At least not for now. Forgive dah lame dah, but forget? hahahah.. " ... Uishh... Rase macam orang gile laks... but seriously, I can't pakse everyone to like me, and while I mostly like sume org and neutral ngan those ade traits I'm not comfortable with, when it comes to friends yang dah buat something, I can be very, errr... distant. I dunno if I would say that if I was in front of that person, depends lah kot, lame tak ade konfrontasi ngan org. Actuallynye tgh jauh ngan die ni, hopefully bile dah dekat nanti, tak jumpe. Please lah tak jumpe...

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So, so, so so so so so so so so so scared of exams!!!!! Especially on a subject I know nothing about!!!!!!!!!! Yes, this is me freaking out yet again!!!! Hmmpphh....

Sempene me freaking out, decided to change the song. Lagu lama, Pure Shores from All Saints, one of my fav dulu from the not-so-entertaining movie "The Beach". Song.. ehhh.. oh-kay... movie bad... Leo in the movie? So and so...

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Never, ever mengelamun if you're taking the Commuter Northbound bus. Well, at least jangan mengelamun sampai ter miss stop. It took me a good 10 minutes to get back to where I originally wanted to be dropped off. Those are 10 boring minutes that I'll never get back. Ho-hum...
Life goes on as usual, nothing much to write about, same old, same old. But I managed to talk to mum during the weekend (thanks Nanim for the phone card! ), and chat with my cousin too. Seems like anak bongsu Mak Long baru je kawin last week to a 31-year-old girl from mane ntah I can't remember (he himself is 32). So that would be the last wedding in mak Long's immediate family (sume anak die dah kawen). Let's see... lepas Mak Long, Pak Ngah nye anak should kawen, but since Pak ngah senirik tak penah kawen (hence takde anak), that brings us to..... my mum. Uh-oh... My eldest brother dah slamat dah, tinggal my second brother je lagi nie. Hahaha... all pressure is on him, suke nye ati saiye. Unfortunately, that also leaves me as the eldest girl in our extended family sebelah mak. Haiyak! Tak best.Nasib baik dok kat US, kalau kat Mesia, I don't even wanna think about it...
Seems like my whole family kat umah tgh health-conscious skang nie. My mum and my dad due2 gie brisk walk every weekend, that is just soooo cute, heheheh. I never knew my parents can be quite that.... cute. Actually my dad pegi during weekdays jugak time die takyah nak gie survey jalan. My eldest bro main badminton, my second brother pon main amende ntah, my sis-in-law.. well, ade anak yang umur 2 tahun nak kene jage I think is exercise enough, hahah. Rajin nye lah family aku... if i go back home, I'll be the only lazy bum there, boo-hoo...
Okay, so I have an exam to study for and a paper to write. Ciao! Oops.. and assalamu'alaikum...

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2 FAST 2 FURIOUS
Last night, I went out to to watch the above mentioned movie with Izham, Wann and Nik... verdict: off the hook! I love, love, love fast cars (even though I know absolutely nothing about them... but watching my brother race cars and being in the passenger's seat half of the time gives me a teeny weeny taste for it). Having not watched prequel to this film, I have no idea how it compares, but it's a fun movie to watch anyway :) . Lepas tengok movie, gie makan kat Denny's. Originally, ingat nak makan kat umah jek, but since dah sampa kat Denny's... hehehe... lapar seh, so i got myself a meatless Boca Burger, which was pretty good :) . We had this waitress who was completely incorrigable... Dengar die cakap, tatau what the heck she was saying, main assume jek die cakap ape. Hahaha.. penat kot minah tuh, it was almost 4 o'clock in the morning.
Last week, I was kinda sick most of the time, this week my health seems to improve a bit... hehehe... hopefully it'll last :) ...

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Interesting fact about names...

Your name of Farah gives you a very idealistic but passive outlook on life. You desire culture and all the refinements of life but you are inclined to live in your dreams. Although you would like to do many things, procrastination undermines your accomplishment and success in life. You do not like to create issues and will do anything to avoid a conflict. Making decisions is difficult for you without the support and approval of others. This name gives you a very sensitive nature, making you feel much that you do not understand. Your feelings are easily hurt, at which times you are inclined to withdraw and become uncommunicative. Although you desire the friendship and association of others, you find it difficult to express your thoughts through the spoken word, and others find you hard to get to know. It is much more natural for you to express your deeper thoughts in writing. Inner tension can deplete your physical vitality.

Okay, this is waaaaaaaaaaaayyyyy freaky... because everything is right on the mark!! Let's proceed to the next part of my name...

The name of Nazihah has created a congenial nature with the desire to associate in friendship and understanding both socially and in the business world. Peaceful and settled conditions appeal to you and you are naturally desirous of having the security of a home, where your life could follow a definite pattern, and where you would not have to make major decisions. You find it difficult to take a definite stand, partly because you lack confidence, and also because you dislike any issues which create dissension between people. Procrastination is a weakness of your nature, causing an inability always to complete your plans or to concentrate for long. You need to see a concept presented completely in detail before you can understand it, and if you cannot understand it, you come to your own conclusion and often fail to listen to and reason out another's point of view. You resist being forced into change and could become almost impervious to new ideas. You desire refinement, understanding, and appreciation, yet sometimes your outward attitude does not reveal your innermost feelings, and thus you have never felt truly understood.

Freaky freaky freaky.... oh-boy....

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Thw world is such a small place. I mean, really, it is. It might seem big, but it really isn't.If you have money in your pocket (or in the bank ), you can get to anywhere and everywhere and then be bored for the rest of your life. Add the connectivity between people via the internet into the equation and you can really see that "it's a small world after all" .... *sigh*.. crapping again...


MISS UNIVERSE 2003
Miss Dominican Republic, Amelia Vega, was crowned the new Miss Universe last Tuesday, June 4th. Cantik... and somehow, she looks amazingly similar to Oxana Fedorova , the ex-Miss Universe 2002 who was fired and then replaced with Justine Pasek of Panama. Let's hope Amelia don't get fired too. But seriously, Oxana was amazingly beautiful with lovely green eyes. Too bad she was fired. First one in history to ever get fired, too.

Here's something that kinda made my day yesterday.... I was at the bus stop, waiting for the bus (duh!), and as usual I looked at the notice board in hope of finding someone who wants to sell his/her microwave. Instead, I found this little piece of gem... " flying pan ..... $5" . Woo-hoo! I do NOT want to be in the house where the pan had been residing. I wonder what else flew around in that particular establishment. As susual, my mind started concocting up these images of fring pans flying across the room and smashing antique vases, while in the background, a man desperately tries to explain "But honey, she just happened to trip and fell on top of me on the couch..." .... Me and my over-active imagination.

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EMOTIONAL ROLLER-COASTER AHEAD... READ AT YOUR OWN PERIL (seriously people, this is a long entry, skip it because I'm crapping about the same thing all over again.... )

Hari nie tak gie my first class sebab pening kepale... spent last night bawling into my pillow, and after waking up with a headache, spent the morning bawling on the phone with my mom. I'm still 50-50 about the whole going home thing, though if I do, guess I'll be doing it alone. Kinda scary to think about it, but hey, I'm a big girl, I can handle the whole alone thing, and I don't think I look like a female terrorist ready to do a kamikaze attack on any buildings, big or small. I'm just a simple, unassuming female student who just happens to be Muslim, which shouldn't be a crime. We'll see how the whole thing plays out, if it's too risky, then I'll just stay here and travel, which isn't a bad idea by itself. Too bad Yanie and Wana decided to travel this summer, or I would've been able to visit them in Dublin. Oh well....
Talking on the phone with mom just now made me feel a whole lot better. It reminds me that no matter what the world throws at me, I still have my faith and beliefs, and I will always have the love of my family. I told her all the stuff that I kept bottled up inside ever since last semester.. all the crap that I had to go through, all the things that made want to break down and just shatter into a million pieces .... I told her everything, no secrets kept. Mom's solid advices and soothing voice kept me grounded today. Her love and devotion to my well-being is a reminder that my life is still ahead of me, and throughout my journey there will be bitter experiences, but there will be sweet ones too if I let them happen. It's mom whom I leaned on today after having to go through so many betrayals these past few months. Like I mentioned earlier, I'm 50-50 about going back home... and the reason that 50 wants to back home is because of her. It's strange.. when I was young I rebelled so much about being treated like a kid. Now all I want is the good old days when I was still mommy's little girl. And like a little girl today I confessed to my mom that I miss her so much and all I want to do right now is fly back and beg her and daddy's forgiveness for all the stupid and hurtful things that I did when I was a kid ( honestly, I had no idea where that came from, it's like a sudden epiphany about who really matters in life ). Amidst my teary voice and the incomprehensible pseudo-words that I was spouting out, mom understood what I wanted to say, why I needed to say them and where they were coming from.... isn't it great being a mom?
I love my family, that no one can deny and I'd like to see who dares to do so. I also love my friends, and I do try my hardest to be loyal in every possible way I can, even though I'm a really weird person and I don't always get things right. But I would listen if anyone needs an ear, and I keep secrets as long as they don't undermine my integrity is any way. I'm bad at remembering dates ( birthdays included), but I do feel bad when I realize I forgot. I might not show, but I feel, and I do love my friends....
However, my loyalties lie as long as I receive loyalty in return... break that and you might as well say goodbye to me and all connection to me. Sure, I've forgiven those who had told me they're sorry simply because I know a lot of people have forgiven me, too, when I do something hurtful or stupid, plus I know saying sorry is hard enugh for some ppl. And I've forgiven those who didn't say they're sorry simply because I don't think they realized what they did pissed me off. But there are certain delicate issues that I just can't bring myself to just forget about... hence the shut-off, the me-running-away-from-you. Betrayal is never easy to swallow.
*Sigh*... this is just me crapping away before going to bed... my eyes are all puffy I can barely see...

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Malam semalam tengok Finding Nemo with Bob, Wann, Nik and Epol. It's really, really cute and absolutely funny. Graphic lawa, really like it, really nice. And Nemo is sooooo cute!!! Chubby sgt!! My favorite characters: Crush and Dory. Dialog gile cute. Tamau cite lebey2, but for a kid movie, it's really, really, really .. errr.. "chumylle"(??? habeslah start frenzy balik lepas nie... oh what the hell.. tak pedulik.. so I don't know how to spell. Sue me. Let me be me and sape yang tak puas ati can kiss my ass. ) Good movie to watch if you're looking for something nice and sweet with really funny stuff in it. Lesson of the night: fish and turtles are cute. Fish are friends, not food. Sigh... if only life can be that cute...

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