Assalamu'alaikum....

At work again, though today is a pretty slow day for me, maybe because I came an hour late to work, not on purpose (kinda) but because I got held up at the Secretary of State office doing my permit. Thank goodness I told Merry I was gonna go get my permit, so at least she wasn't wondering where I was. Did i get my permit? Amidst my sleepiness (couldn't fall asleep until about 3.30 am for some unknown warped reason) and jumpiness (no coffee and no breakfast because no money), I managed to pass the damn test, even though I thought I failed it and was gonna have to take it again.

Freaky thing happened at the counter when I went to submit my test result. Apparently this Japanese couple (at least according to their passports) were talking while taking their tests, so the lady who was handling my paperwork bellowed a loud "Excuse me, can both of you come up here?" and promptly took their tests away. Both of them were given a stern "You can't compare your answers, let me get you your IDs" and "You can come back next week and take the test again". And there I was, standing in front of the counter thinking "I had to get her counter...". I think the whole SoS office heard her take away their tests, and while I don't think the couple should have cheated (common sense to not talk during a test), I do feel bad for them for being embarrassed in front of everyone like that.

Special thanks to Hakam for willing to give up his sleeping hours to send me to the ofice, and for willing to double back to get my passport, my bad.

Things are pretty quiet now in my life, aside from work, sleep, chores and worrying about money, I really have nothing going on. I made my SFO payments just now, planned a budget for upcoming charges (and hopefully a trip to Chicago) and decided that I'm in pretty good shape. As my days seem to be calming down (I finished my officfe paperwork for the next edition of Arcana and had just submitted it, so I'm pretty much waiting for my next project to arrive) and I've settled most of my account stuff (feel bad for adding paperwork for someone else now that I know how much work paperwork really is), I can concentrate studying for my GRE and finish reading that book I've been hankering on for the past three weeks.

Sometimes I miss having someone around to just talk with. Arwah Teh and I used to talk a lot during the evenings when we got back from classes or after she got back from work. It was nice because I can just knock on her door and pop in to say hello, and we would just vent out whatever stress that we had to each other. To the rest of the world she was this quiet, serious looking girl but to me she was this funny person who listened to what I had to say and never failed to put a funny spin on things so that in the end, all of the complicated things in my life that was bringing me down, didn't seem so complicated anymore.

A friend once told me "Just because they're not there doesn't mean you'll ever forget ". And I haven't, not for a single day. Arwah teh and arwah Nanim were my comfort zone, people who I know I can tell anything and it won't up being blabbed to everyone, and in return I offered my friendship and whatever comfort and help I can give whenever I can. I guess in a way I hid behind them, took comfort in needing and being needed. Now that the screen is gone, what is left is me, and to learn how to function and operate in this new environment I was thrust in is just a concept that is too hard for me to comprehend right now, or maybe ever.

Almost 8 months had passed and I still haven't really found anyone like them here, and most likely never will. In a way I'm being forced to be with me, to look at me and to come to terms with who I am and what defines me. I keep myself busy with work and acquiring new material things and sometimes studying :) , but while that would fill my days, when I lay on my bed at night, I'm still left with tonnes of memories and a huge gap in my heart.

Maybe I'm feeling extra melancholic because arwah Nanim and I used to plan to take our driving license together. Sometimes it just didn't seem fair that I'm still here and they're not, though I try to push those kind of thoughts away since I know what was decreed by Him is law and just. However I'm willing to admit that I'm afraid to die, and I am glad that my time isn't here yet. I don't want to leave before I've made some kind of mark and did some kind of good.

Okay, enough of the heavy stuff. Dennis is picking me up tonight to go to Best Buy (lucky me) and tonight we're watching Casablanca. And tomorrow, on to Top of The Park (or whatever hell it's called, that thing on top of the Power Center).

See ya!

Wassalam....