Assalamu'alaikum.....

A lot of things has happened over the weekend, not to me personally but just in general. Last night the Detroit Pistons lost to the San Antonio Spurs 95-96 (if I remember correctly, somebody should check the papers for me). Dennis and I didn't watch it 'cause we wanted to catch the Spiderman 2 showing at Top of The Park, but Dennis kept tabs on the score through his cell phone, and we were rooting all the way, even when the game went into overtime. It actually works pretty well for me 'cause I barely watch whenever the game's on anyway, I just like knowing who wins, heheh. As you can tell, I'm not the best fan in the world. But I will kick your butt if you ever diss our Pistons.

On another note, Formula One weekend in Indy didn't go so well. I sympathize to those of you who did go and paid for tickets just to watch 6 cars compete. It sucks to go there all the way and pay for all that money and to be dissapointed that way. For those of you who are going "wha..?" while reading this, 14 cars pulled out of the F1 race in Indianapolis because they were using Michelin tires that couldn't handle one of the turns that the cars were supposed to take. The remaining six cars all used Bridgestone tires... which included Ferraris driven by Michael Schumacher (who apparently scored his first win of the season in Indy) and Rubens Barrichello.

So now the upper echelon of the F1 organizations are debating if tickets should be refunded to fans. To be honest, it probably doesn't matter, 'cause everything's ruined anyway. People dished out a lot of money to buy plane tickets or rent cars just to watch their favorite teams compete. Refunding tickets would just be like trying to put an itty bitty band-aid on a big gashing wound. I'm sure a lot of the fans are debating whether or not they would wanna come again next season after this fiasco.

Which bings me to MY own dissapointment..... the comment made by Formula One head Bernie Ecclestone about Danica Patrick, a female race-car driver who's making waves by (finally) shaking-up the male-dominated world of racing. Reading what Ecclestone said about Danica would make just about any female blood boil. The article below is taken from FOXSports.com:-

Danica Patrick has surged onto the open-wheel racing world, but that might not be sitting well with the old-school boss of Formula One racing.

Formula One is getting its most high-profile United States presence with the U.S. Grand Prix at Indianapolis Motor Speedway this weekend, but Formula One chief Bernie Ecclestone doesn't seem to be too crazy about Patrick joining her male competitors on the track, despite her recent Indy 500 success.

"She did a good job, didn't she? Super. Didn't think she'd be able to make it like that," Ecclestone told a gathering of reporters about Patrick's Indy 500 finish.

"You know, I've got one of these wonderful ideas that women should be all dressed in white like all the other domestic appliances," Ecclestone added.

Ecclestone has controlled Formula One for 25 years, amassing a fortune estimated at $3.7 billion. He has a holding company which operates some of F1's commercial ventures, ranging from television rights to sponsorships.

But nine of the F1's 10 teams are in dispute with Eccletone and others over the running of the sport and have threatened to start their own series in 2008. Only Ferrari has signed to stay with Ecclestone after the 2007 season.

Domestic appliances...... DOMESTIC APPLIANCES??? What the fuck?? Liking women to "domestic appliances" is so wrong in so many ways. Not only are you saying that women should stay at home where we "belong", but you're liking us to just things that are used when needed, discarded when not. We are not even human to you!! How do you even sleep at night? How can you even walk on this earth with such an over-inflated ego? And how can people tolerate this male chauvinist pig who should be condemned to life without his penis? Bernie Ecclestone, go eat shit and die, you bastard, I hope one day Danica Patrick would kick your ass till you beg for mercy, and I hope your lil' F1 empire crumbles before your very eyes. Judging from last weekend's fiasco... I might not have to wait too long.

Assalamu'alaikum....

Yesterday Angela took me to Detroit after letting me shop at 12 Oaks for about 2 hours. As I got out of the car, sh told "Don't you go buying anything now, get some nice lunch". My response... "Are you kidding?". I haven't had a shopping mall all to myself for quite a few months now. Since I only 2 hours, I basically had to do sme power shopping, the same technique I use whenever I'm in a new mall: just walk around and do a on-over, take mental notes of which shops you might want to come back to, put a fast upbeat song on your CD (or iPod), and start shopping. The one-over is extremely important, basically cuts your shopping time in half 'cause if you know you can't afford Ann Taylor and J Crew dresses, and they are at one end of the mall next to Lord and Taylor, then stay the heck away from that part of the mall. I ended up with quite a few bargain: a couple of tops from the buy-1-get-1-free rack in Weat Seal; discounted cami, t-shirt and cardigan from Express (further discounted 15% because I opened a new account which I immediately payed off); and some earring from Claires (buy-2-get-1-free). LoL. The one thing that I wish I could've bought was this wide armed ringed knit top from Bebe that is just so New York summer fabulous.... unfortunately it costs 59 bucks sans taxes and it was also not on sale. Damn . That top was cute, and it so goes with everything 'cause I can wear a cami under it when I wanna be more sexy, and I can wear a fitted long-tee under it if I wanna be more demure. I also gotten myself some TCBY ice-cream, which I promptly threw away after finishing less than a quarter of it. Just couldn't down it all.

Afterward, we headed to Detroit to do some sight-seeing. It was pretty awesome, considering that before this, my only views of Detroit came from either a plane window or a Greyhound bus window. It was really, really a city, where there are a lot of tall buildings and everyone drives like a maniac (truly a motor city). We went down Woodward, which separates the east and the west part of Detroit, and we went down Jefferson where all the kids were hanging out ( I told Angela, everyone seems to wear things that are either too baggy or too small). We saw the Comerica Stadium where they had a baseball game going on and we could see all of the people sitting on the bleachers. We saw a lot of the things that I only saw on TV before: Fox Theatre, Fischer Theatre, Detroit Opera House, Detroit Institute of Arts, Henry Ford Medical Center, Hart Plaza (where they hold a lot of events and concerts), the building where Mayor Kwame Kilpatrick holds office, the football stadium, Greektown Casino, MGM Grand, a church next to MGM Grand so that all the gamblers can pray for their sins after losing all their money at the MGM Grand (heheheh)..... my fingers are numb from typing too fast. Let's just say we say a lot of buildings. Hang on.

Okay.. moving on. There were also this big giant statue of a guy, who is now wearing a Pistons jersey. Go Pistons! In fact, there are quite a few artwork on display in the city (I myself can't really create art, but I just love looking at them). My favorite would be the itty-bitty cars that they have on display in random parts of the city. Angela grew up in Detroit, so I got a nice history lesson too along the way. It's pretty cool, I didn't realize that Detroit was quite that old. I was pretty impressed. They also had a lot of construction going on to get ready for next year's Superbowl. Every corner we turned, there was some sort of a building coming up. Ergo, traffic was pretty bad, especially down Jefferson. Kids were even coming out of their cars and dancing in the street 'cause of the traffic. It just tickles me silly looking at all of these young girls walking down in packs, looking like they think they "all that", heheh. I mean, I do it whenever I'm alone just because of self-preservation, people are more likely to bother you if you look scared and you're female, but I never feel a need for that when I'm with friends, and I certainly don't do it with my gut hanging out and half of my ass trying to burst out of a lycra skirt begging to be freed. Angela's not loving the young ones' outfit either.

Afterwards we went over to Angela's mom, Bernice's house to say hi and take in a pitt stop, before going over to Eric's place (he's Angela's fiancee) to also say hi. Then it was off to Angela's house to feed her 4 kids (they're really cute) and me going home afterwards... with a bucket of KFC and two bags filled with new clothes (harta2 rampasan, hehehe). All in all, it was a good, good day.

And now I hafta bust my ass writing this atrocious dance paper. That's what you get when you spend spring taking ballet and doing grand battements, tendues and plies in class 2 times a week for 1-1/2 hours. Ouchie. Well at least I now have ballet slippers... so cute.

Wassalam....

Assalamu'alaikum.....

I've been having a miserable couple of days lately. Uncertainty about life, in general, is never good. Uncertainty about what the hell am I gonna do if funding doesn't come through is downright killing me. I have a paper to write, a letter to compose, a program to clean up.... and here I am, updating my journal. Figures.

After many unsuccessful attempts to "obtain" songs from Mariah Carey's new album, I finally have all of 'em. Dennis had to walk me through the whole process, but I finally have "Emancipation of Mimi" songs blaring through the house. I do love Mariah's voice. Not the greatest actress, but we can't do everything now can we?

I have a few new favorites right now. While I still love Venus and Serena (such positive role models, it just show you don't have to be butch to be athletic, you don't have to look anorexic to be sexy), I'm also loving Maria Sharapova, winner of Wimbledon 2004 and now, a Canon Powershot girl. She makes people wanna say..... Anna who? It's a good thing that Kournikova has "retired" (right?), or else we might see some serious catfights going on. The resemblance between the two of them is kinda uncanny though, although Maria looks a bit like Brittany Gastineau in some of her photos.... which isn't bad considering that Brittany is a model who has just appreared in Maxim's Hot 100 list for 2005.

Angela's gonna take me to Detroit tomorrow so I can see the "real" Detroit. Can you imagine, after 4 years living in Michigan, I haven't really been to Detroit yet? I mean, I've passed through it to get to the airport, but that was it. However, before we go, she needs to go to a presentation for her vacation, so Angela's gonna drop me off at the mall first and I'll have about an hour to walk around and shop. Yay shopping!! Retail therapy... yummy. I'm gonna buy me a few handbags and shoes and earrings and tops and pants.... LoL. Actually I might just get a pair of new earrings and if here's a payless, then maybe a pair of new shoes.

I'm sleepy, I wish I can go home and just sleep, it has been a long night. A friend asked me about the entry, and apparently my rant managed to make somone slightly "nervous" because that someone thinks he/she fits into that description. Well, it does fit, but it's not you honey. Weird, isn't it, how people can do stupid hurtful things to you no matter what gender they are. I've heard "Guy friends are easier to have" .... yeah right. "Girl friends are way better, they are always there for you".... well not always, apparently, and the dissapointment of realizing that your girl doesn't have your back can be quite overwhelming.

Wassalam..

Assalamu'alaikum....

It's 2.25am, and I still can't sleep. Uh-oh.... I can NOT miss work tomorrow. Anyway, today was pretty packed for me with trying to finalize some documents, kickboxing and of course, DDR. However, after kickboxing today, Ayun and I ditched butts 'n gutts and decided to do some retail therapy instead at Briarwood Mall. I came out with two new spaghettis and one printed top. Awesome :)~ . Anyway, on the way there, Ayun told me something that , if I was a better woman than I am right now, I would go check that "thing" out. As it is, I'm a bitch, so whatcha gonna do about it? I realized that for a person who's only 5 ft 3, I can pack a lot of anger in my frame, heheh, 'cause even after kickboxing (and loads of.. ermm... imagining stuff), I was still itching for.. ermm... payback. Heheh. When the heck did I become so vindictive.

Today was certainly NOT my day. Everything that could go wrong, did. I can't even think about today without feeling tired. Anyway, I've come to the conclusion that spring is NOT my season, 'cause every single big drama in my life happens during the summer. Maybe having too much free time on my hands is not so good for me.

Time to be vague... people, stop reading right now 'cause I'm gonna stop making sense.

Things happen, shit happens, good things happen. For the same event, a lot of people would feel different things, Just because something good happened, doesn't mean everyone will be happy about it. And vice versa, not everyone feels bad when shitty things happen. For example, if shit happens to people that I don't really like, such as a certain academic advisor, I would be jumping up and down for joy. But that's just me.

I am extremely stubborn. Very much so. I make up my own mind about something and until I want to change it, then that's the way it's gonna be. I also don't read other people's blogger unless someone's gettin' married or I REALLY, REALLY have nothing to do. I can love people with all my heart and I can also hate with every fibre in my being. I can also feel things in between those two extremes. I can be an angel and I can be a bitch. I can be everything in your dreams and I can also be your living nightmare. I can be your best friend one moment and completely turn on you the next. I can be your lover today and your enemy tomorrow. Whatever part I play in your life, dear reader, is completely up to you and the things you do for me and especially the things you do to me.

I like it when things are out in the open. I like to know that I can trust my friends. I like to be able to be comfortable in my own skin and not feel like the pair of jeans in your closet that you only wear when you have absolutely NOTHING else to wear. I like being needed, but I don't like being used. I especially don't like feeling I'm the dirt beneath some else's shoes. I hate knowing that there are so many people in my life that fits into "that" description, in one way or another. I hate knowing there are so many people NOT in my life who also fit into "that" description. Whatever "that" is, dear reader, is something that I cannot be bothered to explain.

I need things to be settled quickly. I hate procrastinating when it comes to things that really matter to me. I hate that two years ago, you hurt me, and now you're back and you expect things to be okay. Too bad, honey, because you're two years too late. You sat on your ass and did NOTHING, you deserve nothing from me, and especially not the best of me. Just because I tolerated your shit before doesn't mean I feel the same way now. Especially not with the other things that are happening in my life. Eat shit and go die, biatch, I might not hold a grudge for the smaller things but there was nothing small about what you did.

There.

Assalamu'alaikum.....

I GOT INTO GRAD SCHOOL!!! Woohooooo!!!!!

I was extremely happy to get the admission letter ("conditional", I still have to provide a few stuff). It's from the School of Information, and it's right here at the University of Michigan, and the program is currently rated second best in the States. So I'm gunning for a Master of Science in Information. I was so happy yesterday that I just jumped around outside my apartment for a bit, and then inside for a good 10 minutes. Then I had to call home, and it all came to a screeching halt.

I thought nothing could take away my high, even the thought that I might not get funding for school. But I called home, and my sister-in-law answered. My mom was putting my niece to sleep. Then my mom came to the phone. I told her about the school and the admission letter and all that other stuff that I was excited about. Needless to say, I didn't get the reaction I was hoping for. I thought she'd be excited about it and forget everything and just concentrate on what I have to say (for once). Instead everyone at home are still preoccupied with the kiddies and their antics and the "oh how cute, she's drooling". I wasn't expecting that... at all. Like no one really cared about this letter that I had worked my butt off to get. I mean, for God's sakes, they were HERE!! They saw how hard I worked to get my project done and get a good grade, how much I tried to ensure that my recommendation letters, despite my average grades, would pull me away from the rest the applicants and make me stand out. How much I worried about my personal statement essay because I didn't spend as much time on it as I should have.

The "Congratulations!" didn't come, neither did the "I'm so proud of you". All they care about are the babies. All the could think about was loving their grandkids, well how about me? How about some validation from my own parents? How can they not see how much I've wanted this? Why is it that whenever I call home, all they can talk about are the kids? I'm your daughter, your ONLY daughter!! And I've done good! Why can't I make you care?

I was so happy... and now all I want to do is forget about everything, get a tub of Ben and Jerry's and just binge eat in front of the TV. Last night I should've been celebrating, if not with friends then at least rejoicing with my family. Instead I spent it crying into a pillow until I fall asleep.

Looks like another bleak day for me.

Assalamu'alaikum....

Dang, I'm getting pretty regular about updating my blog ... even tho I actually have nothing to report, LoL. Yesterday's kickboxing was pretty lame, but the Butts and Gutts class really kicked my butt. The instructor was screaming and doing all these stuff that I am very sure is not very good for my back, hahah, but I sweated like a pig in a sauna. It was BAKING yesterday, the weather was so hot. I was so not in the mood to do anything yesterday that I even took an observation day for dance class.

Talking about dance class .... John is so cute, hahah. He's the guy who's been helping me with the moves that were taught earlier in the semester, when I missed 4 classes. He is such a gentleman, I wish there are more guys like him. If it's not for one slight problem, I would totally go for John, LoL, but right now I'm totally happy being friends with him.

Anyway, after getting our butts kicked, Ayun and I went to have dinner at China Gate. It was surprisingly yummy. We were both really tired and hungry and basically scarfed down our food as fast as we could go. There was this really cute Chinese baby boy that kept waddling past our table. He was sooooo cute, and he had on this Mickey Mouse bib that was so precious. *Sigh*... I love babies... Elly cepatlah beranak.

Today, the water alert was lifted. Yay! It's back to tap water for me. Angela made coffee again this morning, which is quite possibly the best coffee I've had in a really long time... and it's free! She also revamped the snack area we have, so now everything's neat and in plain view. She's so awesome. She also has a tendency to call me "mama", which is kinda ironic 'cause she's the one who babies me, LoL. Coming to work isn't quite so boring anymore (",) .

Anyway, I managed to sneak out and buy me some salad for lunch, so I'm gonna go eat now (sooo hungry). Will probably pen in some stuff again tomorrow. Ciao!

Wassalam....

Assalamu'alaikum.....

Okay, so this big ol' pipe on Plymouth Rd managed to blow up, and now we have low pressured water all around North Campus, which basically sucks because it really puts a damper on things like, say, taking a dump. Takleh cebok. Anyway, because the watermain broke, the tap water is no longer drinkable, so now we have to boil water. It's like Malaysia all over again. What tickles me pink right now is how the Americans on NC are handling it, heheheh. This morning the water pressure is back to normal, but you still have to boil the water before drinking. Espresso Royale is closed for today, which makes me wonder how they've been making coffee all this time (I assumed they've been using boiled water all this time and they have like a big ol' boiling thingy in the back.... guess they don't). Merry somehow managed to find boiled water from somewhere, so we still have coffee in the office this morning, but since the coffee is gone, we are (apparently) not washing anything out until the tap water is drinkable again (again, assumption, but we really are not washing anything right now).

Compare that to back home where we still have to boil water for drinking but we're okay with washing out cooking utensils and clothes in normal, unboiled water. Can you see the difference? It doesn't bother me to wash out dishes right now, if I'm inclined to do so, because that's what we do back home. However, I don't wanna freak out anyone in the office by washing out the coffee pot while the water advisory is still in effect. So this brings out the question: are the Americans being too paranoid, or are we Malaysians being too lax with our health?

Angela asked me yesterday, what I want to do with my life, what kind of a job am I looking for? I said I wanted something hands-on. I'm still young, and I think that it would be a waste for me to just sit behind a desk and just sign papers and approve things. I want to get my hands dirty. I want my life and my job to be a series of learning experiences instead of being stuck in one mode and never being able to venture out. I want to be challenged... constantly. I know I've complained a lot about things being sooooo hard for me (LoL), but this summer, after being on my current job for a month now, I realize that I am bored out of my mind. Predictability is nice for a while, but after that I just get... restless. Dammit I want to learn. I wanna go out and be useful instead of just being there ..... which is kinda in direct contrast with what I want personally. For me private life, stable and safe is definitely the way to go. No more drama, please.

And talking about personal life... I'm pretty volatile right now. Not that I blow up easy, but something might bother a lot more now than it would before. I hate feeling like this, but hey, you gotta do what you gotta do.

Yesterday Wann and I went to Briarwood and shopped. Emmm... shopping: good. Bought a couple of new stuff for my collection... and realized that I may have to return one of 'em. Aiseh. Balik try kat umah tetibe tak cantik lah plak, antu betul. Kene pulang balik. So kene gie Briarwood balik... shopping balik. LoL. Tetibe rindu zaman dating (yg tak kantoi punye type... lol). Time2 camtuh kalau nak tau kalau bende tuh patut di beli ke idak... tgk je muke org seblah.

Senyum = cantik2... sile lah beli
Selambe (pastu cakap "boleh lah") = cam boleh carik better
Mate terbelalak (pastu tgk2 wallet) = mahal noh! nak bayar sendiri bleh lah
Tgk tempat lain = tak pedulik dah cantik tak cantik, penat nie, jom gie makan

Kan senang.

Assalamu'alaikum....

First of all.... just wanna say... forget about what I wrote previously. LoL. I was being waaaaaaayyyyy too optimistic. Things can feel fine one minute and the next, you're suddenly reminded why you were really miserable before. So you can either be mature and act like it doesn't bother you, or you can be human and let it go in your own time. Being human is easier, LoL. I want to be happy, and I want to feel safe. And I'm not over it yet.

Weekend was spent very relaxingly. Max's BBQ on Saturday. Birch Run and bowling on Sunday. Alisa's going home on Friday (ooppss...). Tetibe ade tulis pasal Alisa kan. Alisa's leaving on Friday to go home! I'm gonna stowaway on one of her luggages and go home too! Ahaks! Leaving here and going home early is sounding more and more (and more) appealing day by day. Maybe I should.....

Actually, I'm just trying to figure out what I wanna do for the summer. I can't really go anywhere outside of the US, so that just leaves me with ... well, the US. My best friends are all at home (which begs the question... why am I not home yet?) so that means no trips with them. Yanie wants me to go to Dublin and visit her for a bit, but there might be some I-20 issues with that and I don't know if I can risk it or not. Oh decisions decisions.... and of course there's Montreal :) .

I just realized on Saturday that I basically suck at everything. As in I'm not particularly good at anything specific. I'm average in school, average in basketball, suck at everything else resembling sports and average in cooking. My dancing is decent at best, so is my singing, and I have no other talent whatsoever. I can't even play the piano anymore, I've forgotten so much and I'm so much out of practice. Average looks, average height...... I mean, I can honestly say that I'm a nice person, but in this world nobody really cares about that. Average person ... scary. Wish I can break free of all the mediocrity and actually be really good at SOMETHING.

On Sunday, I realized that I can talk to a person, fall asleep, wake up and continue the conversation like nothing happened... even though I was asleep for about 10 minutes. Who woulda thunk.

And now it's Monday. I'm as sleepy as shit. Work started at 8.30 am this morning. After a full day yesterday, all I want to do right now is just crawl back into bed and catch some more z's. But when I came in this morning, I had to go help Merry set up a room for a CoE conference. And after that I managed to get myself talked into a few other jobs that totally required me to be awake. This morning the office is, in Angela's words, really "jumpin' ". Out of all the days, it has to be the day that I'm sleepiest for alllllllllll o' this to happen. Right now I'm just waiting for 1.30pm to come by so I can go home and sleep my mood off.

Oh God, I'm sleepy.. I'm just gonna go get some caffeine in me and walk around a bit. Ciao!

Wassalam...