Seriously, who has a blog, and then doesn't update for 2 years? 2 years?? ADD kittens have more attention span than I do. I think this says something about the last 2 years .... that things have come and gone and happened and not happened, and everything was just too difficult to put into words. To write on paper (or in this case, type on a screen) just makes things seem more .... real. Definite. Immovable. Part of my history. Unchangeable.
The last two years has been an exercise in patience and letting go. The former I have experience, the latter is something I'm still working on. But I've let go of a few things in the past couple of years that I never thought would happen in this stage of my life: my car, a guy I cared about, friends who have been either let go so that either they can be happy, or so that I can.
Oh yes people, I am a carless Seattleite now, and have been for the past year. Make no mistake, I'm not turning into a hemp-wearing hippie, it's just nice not to have to worry about things like how much you're spending on gas, insurance and parking. That leaves you more time to worry about things like when the next bus is coming and are you going to be late for work because the bus is late...... lol, okay, it's not that bad, if it was I would have bought a car by now. The nice thing about living in Belltown is that the bus is always just a couple of blocks away. And the nice thing about flex hours at The Company is that you're never late for work, you're just working late.
As for the boy part .... let's just skip the boy part. I could never talk about him when he was here, anyway, no point talking about him now that he's not. Let's just say that it's never a good idea to want someone who was never really available in the first place. Lesson learned, moving on .....
Friendships have a funny way of working out sometimes. Or not working out. The person you originally befriended can evolve into someone else you don't know. Sometimes the evolution is great, but in order for them to move forward, they need to leave you behind. Or vice versa. There were definitely some case (okay fine, ONE case) where I needed to leave people behind in order to be a better person and not get associated with the negative energy. I needed to love myself enough and do what was better in for the long run. I tried, gave it my best, be the best person I could have been, and since it still didn't work out, move on.
So that's two years in a nutshell. I know, it's not a lot, nothing about the places I've been and the people I've met and everyday happenings in life.... but I want to move forward. Look onwards and, hopefully, upwards. On to the next chapter...
p/s: "bebygurl" is a stupid name for a blog, and I wish I had named it something different, but oh well, stuck with it now!
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