He's Just Not That Into You

I've just finished reading this book (well, actually I finished it two days ago), and i gotta say, for such a small book, it sure packs a punch. It certainly got me feeling a lot of emotions: anger, sadness, mortification.... and acceptance.

I've accepted a long time ago that I'm not perfect, and I kinda left it at that. I'm not perfect, and I make mistakes. What I haven't accepted was the fact that it was okay to not be perfect, to not fit into The Guy's definition of a perfect woman, because ultimately, the person I'm meant to be with would still think I'm perfect in spite of, or because of, my faults. The Guy might not like the fact that I have a small, babyish voice, but The One would find it endearing.

When it comes to matters of the heart, I figured that since I'm not perfect, I shouldn't really expect the guy I'm with to be perfect. Now that's a really dangerous road to go down, and the book made me realize that. Because once you have it in your head "Oh, he's doing something that I don't like, that's okay, he's not perfect, I probably annoy him, too", then you start ignoring the vital signs. Big, fat, juicy signs that hollers He's Just Not That Into You. You start forgiving things that you shouldn't be. You let the fact that he makes you cry at least once a month slide, because you keep remembering the good times and oh how good the good times were and this is just a small bump in the road and we'll get over it .... And the excuses keep on coming until one day, you realize that you were the bump in his road and he's completely over you.

Reading the book was tough for me. It made me face facts. The signs were there and I didn't want to see it; because of that I let The Guy have the power to hurt me. I let him dictate how the relationship, if you can even call it that, play out to his advantage. The book made me see my past relationships, dates and crushes in a different way. I used to think that maybe if I had done things a little differently, be more sophisticated instead of emotionally vulnerable, then things could have been different. I realize know that there was nothing I could've done to keep his interest. What I do have control over now, though, is how I behave once it's apparent that a guy is not into me enough to want a lasting relationship with me.

So for me personally, I need to remember these tenents:

1. If I'm the one who usually calls, but he never calls me first because talking on the phone is "not his thing", then he's just not that into me.
2. If he never wants to hang out with me and my friends at all, then he's just not that into me.
3. If I'm the one who's always making plans, and he just goes along with it, then maybe he's really not that into me.
4. If he doesn't want the "boyfriend" label because he "doesn't like labels", then he's really not that into me. That's just a step away from not wanting to be the "husband" because he doesn't like labels. If he's into me, he'd want everyone to know we're together.

Life is complicated enough without having the man in your life be the wrong man. I'd rather be by myself and happy, than be with someone and be miserable. And the first step to being happy? Love thyself :)